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The infinitely patient big brother

I had been hesitant to put into words how incredible Everest has been as a big brother for fear that it wasn’t real. And almost 4 months into being a big brother it’s safe to say that this isn’t long enough to be permanent and I’m sure we’ll hit a few bumps in the sibling dynamic. But the thing is...we haven’t, not even for a millisecond. It’s almost as if Everest before Eden wasn’t actually the complete Everest. He (like Adam and I) were waiting for our Eden. And until she arrived he and our family weren’t really complete. We weren’t who we are. And now we are. 

I wasn’t overly nervous about Everest coping with becoming a big brother but I was aware it could be an issue. So much so that Adam and I took a “welcoming sibling” class at the local parenting resource center. We did a little prep, we thought through the scenarios, we set ourselves up for Everest to get attention and still be the focus early on. But then Eden was born and all of that melted away. From the second he met his little sister Everest has been overcome with patience, joy, and love. It’s hard to truly capture the way he is around her other than to say that he loves her so completely and it’s filling him with so much satisfaction it’s...awe-inspiring. 

When she cries, he wants to comfort her himself and not hand her off or get out of the way. He says things like “let me try to calm her” and after an extended time trying to quell her infant cries he finally says “I know what you need, you need a mommy hug” and then gently passes her from his arms to mine the entire time assuring her that “a mommy hug will help, a mommy hug is what you need Eden” and then lingering in the after effect as her cries naturally turn to coos and he feels that he contributed to her safety and comfort. 

The maturity that’s happened in rapid speed is surprising to a caregiver. On the occasion that I’m preparing Everest’s meal and Eden is restless he’s said to me “you know you can help Eden, I can wait for my dinner if she needs you.”  He’s given up precious playtime for me to nurse or change or comfort Eden and he hasn’t seemed to mind. 

He asked each night “when will Eden move into our [meaning his] room” and “can we get bunk beds when she’s a little older”. He reveled in his “new room” after we rearranged his furniture to make room for the crib. He couldn’t wait for the roommate. This kid was born to love his sibling. He was born to have a life-long buddy. And as an extremely social child, he takes huge comfort knowing that he’ll always have a friend for his entire life. 

Seeing Everest bound out of school and say “where’s Eden?” or “I want to hug Eden” or my personal favorite, “where’s my little cutie girl?”  Having Eden in all our lives has felt like a completion of so many dynamics but watching Everest brother his sister has truly been the most fulfilling part. 

Full Circle

Full Circle 
[a true story, 7/29/19]

Two Decembers ago when we were visiting Marc & Michelle for the holidays Michelle suggested that the ladies go to a glass blowing studio to make ornaments. I’ve always loved glass blowing so I was really excited. Each of us had a designated staff person to help design and assemble our ornament; when it came time to blow the molten glass into a sphere my person said 'blow a wish into the ornament.' so I did. I was 8 weeks pregnant and we hadn’t told anyone yet…you can imagine what I wished for.  

the next day we lost the pregnancy.

i took that ornament home and tucked it on a back shelf in my closet. 

a few months later while Everest and I were playing hide and seek he found it. we opened the box together and unpacked the blue and white orb. he marveled at it. he wanted to hold it. to hug it. to play with it. to hang it. but he was ever so gentle with it. I told him there was a wish inside and maybe one day we would hang it in his room. he didn’t ask too many questions, just went along with what I said. we packed it up and put it back on the shelf in my closet.

every few months he’d ask me if we could look at the ornament. sometimes he’d wiggle outside my closet with a little smirk on his face and ask if he could hold it. so we did. I'd take it down from the shelf and he’d sit on the carpet and gently hold it like a baby.

finally this morning. 

Eden rocking in her baby seat in my bathroom and Everest sitting on the floor mat next to her. I’m in the shower. Everest asks if he can get the ornament to show Eden. 

“Eden, Eden, shhh, don’t cry, your big brother is here and I love you. 

Here is the ornament that mommy made that we can hang in our room.

[in a sing-song voice] shh shh, I love you Eden, I love my whole family”

“Everest, I can tell you what the wish in the ornament is now. do you want to know?”

“Yeah!!”

"I can tell you because it came true. [pause] I wished for this. for our family. for my Everest and my Eden.”

“and your Daddy and your Oliver.”

“Of course”

“[Everest holding the ornament a little closer and showing it to Eden] this is the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

do you want to know what my wish is?

my wish for Eden is that she is lucky like me.

[in a sing-song voice] shh shh, I love you Eden, I love my whole family”

“I love you Everest”

“I love you Mommy. I love you Eden.”

This might be...

...the happiest time of my life.

The moments shared with sweet Eden while witnessing my amazing Everest blossom into the big brother he was always meant to be and our family grow into what I've always wanted are times I truly want to bottle and carry with me always. I've been given a partner who has my back and gives me confidence to weather the ups and downs of a growing family. I've been given a 5-year-old who is as in love with his baby sister as I am. I've been given a newborn who I am in sync with...nursing, sleeping, anticipating her needs...(all of which is that much sweeter because I had an extremely challenging postpartum with my first). And while I know it won't always be heavenly (and likely will change tomorrow), all of this has given me the foundation and strength to face the challenging moments with calm.

Watching Everest with Eden has been nothing short of the purest form of love a mother could wish for.  I hope that when I'm 106 and nearing death's door these moments of Everest rushing to comfort baby Eden, or Everest beaming with pride as she wiggles in his arms, or Everest leaping into our room each morning to kiss and snuggle next to Eden will rush into my mind's eye and I'll experience this pure joy yet again.

There is a presence of mind reserved only for new mothers...when everything in the world melts into the background and one-time stresses fade into trivial matters. The slow pace and care-not for punctuality or perfection takes hold as you stare into your newborn's wide eyes and breathe in her sweet smell. It's in these precious times, these fleeting moments of something new and awe-inspiring yet timeless and comfortable, that you know pure happiness exists.  

There is only now...and now is my darling Everest and Eden...and my now is everything.

How do you get to the "end of the earth"?

After trekking quite a distance, we arrived at what might actually be the end of the earth. Like a mirage rising in the dessert, the Fogo Island Inn appears on the horizon like an otherworldly object - a modern sculpture, a shipwrecked ocean-liner, a fisherman's studio, or some strange combination of them all.

We entered the Inn two weary travelers unsure of what we had gotten ourselves into but moments later were whisked into the glass-enclosed dining room overlooking the rugged landscape and were invited to feast on the first of our locally inspired tasting menu meals. As we settled in and began to relax, the attention to detail began to come into focus. Every item in the Inn, from the lush and vibrant wallpapers, to the inviting and comfortable seats, to the intricate and warm quilts had been hand-made by artisans living and working on the island. A cottage industry gone full-tilt. As we learned more about the craftsmanship and community involvement bringing the Inn to life we kept hearing one name over and over again...Zita Cobb.

Zita is the brilliant mastermind and benevolent philanthropist who envisioned this utopic economic Shorefast Foundation]. It's commerce for a cause. Zita grew up on the isolated island, and like many young people in search of work, left the island for college before starting a career and accumulating a small fortune at a start-up tech company. After time on the mainland, the island was beckoning her home and she decided to return and set up a college scholarship fund for the youth of Fogo. Surprisingly, she was met with resistance from the community elders, "you're sending our children away, we need a reason for them to stay." And in that feedback, the idea for Fogo Island Inn was born. A reason to stay...a reason for people to come...a reason for their long defunct fishing community to have purpose again.
engine. Now you might be asking yourself, aren't we just talking about a fancy hotel? On some level, yes - this is a jaw-droppingly beautiful hotel set within a staggeringly beautiful natural landscape. But the Fogo Island Inn is so much more than that. The Inn is a instrument owned and operated by the people in order to power their community [

While the food and wallpaper and attention to details of the Inn are staggering, they all came from theend of the earth a little closer to the world without diminishing the thing that sets its apart, the people and the place.
people of the island. The Inn itself has become the island's main industry. All the staff, from the friendly person who picks you up at the ferry, to the concierge at the front desk, to the hiking guides - they are all locals, residents, neighbors, community. And by being at the Inn, if only for a few days, you become a part of the ecosystem as well. You feel like you're being welcomed into each islanders' home and being wrapped inside their arms. Now generations of islanders have a reason for their college-educated kids to come home. There are opportunities to meet with world renowned chefs, titans of business, artists clamoring for a residency in one of the 4 studios, even celebrities have been known to spend time at the Inn - all of these dignitaries and luminaries are flocking to Fogo's doorstep. And in creating the Fogo Island Inn and the accompanying foundation to incubate the economy of the community Zita has brought the

After spending time on Fogo you might find yourself asking yourself....does the end of the earth really exist?  Is it accessible by three flights, a two hour drive, and a ferry crossing choppy North Atlantic waters (alternatively chartering a private plane!)? Is it what the Flat Earth Society (yes, a real thing) considers to be one of the four corners of the earth? Is it a stones throw below the Arctic Circle where generations of people sustained themselves by living off the land and sea. Or perhaps a better question is where does the earth begin and can it be found at the Fogo Island Inn?

Fogo Island Inn

A taste of China

Exploring the Bund

Even long after a trip to China has past, the flavor stays with you, setting your taste buds ablaze with spice and building a lasting impression. I'm talking not only about the Chinese cuisine from our recent trip, but about the experience as a whole traveling with our close friends who now call Shanghai home.

I'll admit it...China wasn't high on my bucket list. I knew I'd eventually make it there but figured it'd be part of a larger Asian exploration. But when you're best friends moves 7000 miles away, you bump China to the top of your list.

Slurp!

Maybe it was my lower than normal expectations about China (my expectation level before our trip to Japan almost reached Mt. Fuji!), but from start to finish, I found China to be strange and fun and far exceeding my hopes when I boarded the plane. Being greeted at the airport by a familiar face helped the transition immensely but once we arrived at Annie & Jay's apartment nestled on a tree lined street in the heart of the French Concession neighborhood I was ready to do it all! And did we ever! We packed as much as we could into the few days we had in Shanghai, tasting street food (yes please, egg pancakes with hoisin sauce) and dim sum (Din Tai Fung -- twice!), sight seeing (the Bund by day) and night clubs (La Baron by night), shopping the latest Chinese designers (Missy Skins among others) and even visiting a few of China's famous counterfeit markets -- twice!

The Great Wall of China! Yay!

Before we knew it we were off to Beijing to see the history and chaos. A day exploring the 798 Arts District followed by a day strolling the awe-inspiring Forbidden City and renowned Tiananmen Square followed by one of my favorite days of all - hiking The Great Wall of China. We entered the landmark at the Mutianyu Gate and were immediately able to enjoy the splendor and grandeur that is this engineering feat, nestled within some of the most beautiful and treacherous terrain I've seen. We walked all day, and then took toboggans down the mountainside to meet our guide before heading back to Beijing for some of the world-famed Peking Duck (Sijiminfu)! All and all, our day spent on The Great Wall of China felt like a (hopefully not) once in a lifetime experience.

Next, we were off to Bali...what needs to be said besides, it was BALI!

When in Beijing...

And then we were back in Shanghai. With tearful goodbyes and long embraces we said goodbye to our friends and hosts and as quickly (12 hours) as we had arrived...we were gone. Back to the embrace of our lovable two year old, who's first words when we arrived home were, 'are there presents!?!,' which of course there were in the form of trinkets and toys, clothes and instruments...but mostly the present I brought home was the knowledge that China is now a place I loved visiting and plan to return to again...hopefully to see our friends and hopefully with Everest in tow. Because once you get a taste for China, you'll definitely want another.

Yea, Thank you and I love you.

Highlight of the Week:  Yea, Thank you and I love you.

This past week was full of highlights.  I was finally feeling back to myself after a nasty flu bug which meant I could resume working out, getting out and being out.  The weather has been spectacular and I had plans to see a good friend every day this past week.  On top of that we went to see the truly epic Kamasi Washington and were able to soak in some transcendent jazz.   

By any measure, any of the past days could be considered a highlight but the real highlight came in the form of a realization.  Everest is growing in leaps and bounds and is now 2 weeks shy of his 2nd birthday.  He continues to be a happy, funny, silly and sweet kid.  Don't get me wrong, there are moments of exasperating frustration but I feel that's par for the course when raising a toddler.  The highlight of my last week came the day I realized that the 3 most commonly used phrases that come out of Everest's mouth are "Yea," "Thank you," and "I love you."  Taken on their own those phrases are filled with positivity, gratitude and joy but the fact that they seem to be the most prevalent things my 23 month old says, I feel blessed and lucky that I get to be his mom.  

Every morning begins with a rundown of all the fun things Everest has on his busy schedule and in response to "are you excited to do *blank*?" his response is inevitably a joyous "Yea!"

Later we found ourselves at the park with a friend and she was handing out bites of granola bar to Everest and her son.  With each mouthful Everest grabbed he naturally chirped "Thank you!" without being prompted or directed by me.  It made me so proud and happy that gratitude has started early for him.  

And finally, Adam and I say "I love you" a lot.  To each other, to our dog, to our friends and family, and especially to Everest...and recently he's started saying it back.  It began as a slurred blur of the whole phrase "ioveou" and it's slowly evolved into the crystal clear phrase that he warmly gives back to us throughout the day.  Hearing him say "I love you" in such an intentional, natural, and generous tone moves my heart in a way that's hard to put in words.

I guess it's been a highlight kind of week.

Highlight of the week

I am officially unofficially introducing a new series on AmortotheWorld - bom pa bom - "Highlight of the Week". It's a self-imposed-project I'm self imposing to  jump start blogging again. I'm a busy person considering I don't officially do anything and I love my life so figured blogging weekly should be something I can fit into my schedule. So without further ado...stay tuned for AmortotheWorld's Highlight of the Week (HOTW)!

A pause amidst a whirlwind

Having a child is like having your life sped up.  Suddenly everything I've always done at a reasonable pace has been pushed into hyper-speed.  Perhaps it's the weight of caring not only for your own well being but the entire well being of another human being; everything is double-time.  Perhaps it's the fact that you're trying to hold on so tight to more than you can physically grasp that makes you feel hurried, rushed, excitable, and generally busy.  You love that little monster with all your heart, but at times it's challenging.  It's amidst this chaotic new normal that we come to appreciate it's polar opposite.  Those rare moments of quiet; the serine times of non-decision, the gift of "me" time.   This new found appreciation for nothingness is precisely why this summer's respite was that much sweeter.

Grandma, Grandpa and Aunt Emily (horrah! huzzah! bravo!) took over the parenting duty and allowed Adam and I to experience some childless luxury.  Life didn't magically become like it was before having a child, it actually was better.  Before having children, I remember moments of boredom, restlessness, feeling lost...but now that the "me" times are few and far between they are weighted with purpose when they do occur.  Every moment of nothingness felt like a warm bath washing over me...it helped that often times the French Mediterranean was actually washing over me.

We began our vacation on the tail end of Adam's "business" trip to Cannes.  I put "business" in quotes because while there was a fair amount of networking and Adam was rushing around like a madman at times, overall it's a pretty spectacular place for an industry to host it's annual "conference" -- and Adam won 4 Cannes Lion Awards to boot!  We even had time to sneak over the border to Italy for a leisurely lunch and swim.

As soon as the festival was over, we both were officially on vacation!  First stop, Theoule sur Mer, a picturesque coastal town where we immediately proceeded to sit by a pool that overlooked the Mediterranean, drink wine, eat little fried sardines with dipping sauce and pretty much nothing else.  I read a book.  I'll say it again, I read a book!  Something I love but specifically haven't done since having a child.  We pretty much spent 48 hours doing nothing and it was glorious.  Another glass of rose?  Oui Garcon!

Fabulous dishes from La Scene, Paris

Next we were off to Saint-Paul de Vence.  Staggeringly beautiful medieval town perched atop a fortress plateau. This began the art portion of our trip.  We paid our respects at Chagall's grave, wandered Renoir's home and property, followed Picasso to his vacation retreat in Antibes and then dined at the famous Colombe D'Or - a Restaurant  & Inn renowned as much for it's classic French fare as it is for the art which adorn the walls - many of the greatest artist of the last century traded works in exchange for room and food.

After a quick trip to Eze where Adam zoomed around the narrow hillside roads in a borrowed Ferrari, we were on the bullet train headed towards Paris.  I remember those few hours on the train as the French countryside blurred by being especially peaceful considering the last few times I've been on a major mode of transportation I've been wrangling an active toddler.  I put my headphones on, blasted some music and let the scenery engulf me.

Ah, Paris.  What to say about that magical force.  We arrived during the height of a major heatwave but that didn't stop us from go, go, going.  To shops (we arrived just in time for their annual 50-70% sales!!!), more art at Picasso's primary residence and museum and of course, food!  Paris was the portion of our trip where we dined.  First at the Three Michelin Starred, 12th on Pelligrino's top 50 in the World - L'Arpege - Alain Passard's cornucopia of vegetable forward cuisine.  As if that wasn't enough, we followed one of Chef Passard's disciples to La Scene where we tasted exquisite works of
art made primarily with butter. 

Like all good things, our trip came to a close.  But unlike past vacations, the recharge I got from these precious days has stayed with me.  Like a flash-back, I find myself back in these French places now and again and I take pause to relive the trip...especially during those chaotic, whirlwind days chasing after my beloved Everest. 

An open letter

I have been sitting silent for too long. Partially because I couldn't even begin to know what to say and partially because the weight of it all felt insurmountable. But no more. We are so far beyond feeling heart broken for the far-away victims. We are at the point where good people need to act. Because as we all know the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.  Well, I can't just feel heart broken and do nothing any longer. 

In my lifetime I think the three most horrific things that have happened in our society are: September 11th, the Newtown CT shootings and finally the deep-rooted systemic racism and all its manifestations.  I'm not certain that we can overcome the latter unless we face it head-on. Unless good people everywhere take a look at themselves and ask what is my role in all this?  And what can my role be for a better future?

Yes there are major issues related to poverty and income inequality, tolerance and education, mental illness healthcare, gun control, the militarization of our society and racial profiling. But I don't think any one individual can take on those issues and succeed. As sad as I am to admit that, we as a society we have proven time and time again that we can't or won't make meaningful movements in those arenas in the near term.  What we need now are short term, one-step-at-a-time, attainable goals that we all can participate in. 

What can individuals do?  How can we be involved in a dialogue?  Who should we talk to and what actions should we take?  I'm open to it.  I want to be a part of the change. I want to be a drop of water in the ocean that ultimately shapes this rock.  I want my son to grow up in a world where people are just a soul inside a body trying to do their best and where society is just a larger version of a neighborhood.  Isn't that what we all want?  What can I do?  Please tell me because my heart can't break anymore for the far away victims. We're all victims now unless good people act.
 
Here are a few links I thought worthwhile:

Stand in solidarity with the family members of the church
http://action.groundswell-mvmt.org/petitions/send-prayers-to-familes-of-charleston-church-shooting
 
Emanuel AME Church in Charleston
http://www.emanuelamechurch.org/index.php
 
NAACP
http://www.naacp.org

MoveOn.org
http://front.moveon.org/

ACLU
https://www.aclu.org/ 

Contact your elected official
http://www.usa.gov/Agencies.shtml

Please let me know any other relative links.

Advice worth seeking

Back of the postcard, photo by Jill Krementz

Twelve years ago today Kurt Vonnegut sat down at his desk where he's written so many luminous verses before and wrote me a letter.

As a student living abroad in Australia I would frequently wander Sydney alone with a sketch pad and a pen - I filled pages and pages of poetry, observations, drawings and musings.  I was looking for something...I was looking for myself.  In many ways, I still am.  It was on one of the early days of my study abroad program that I wandered into an old Australian pub and sat down for a pint.  On the old wooden bar was a stack of coasters, the bartender slid one towards me before placing a frosty beer atop.  As I sipped the foamy brew, I looked down to see the words "seek the advice of everyone's advice who's worth having and then make the decision yourself" written on the coaster.   I immediately starting drafting a letter to Mr. Kurt Vonnegut in my mind.  He was the first person I thought about the advice worth having.  I drafted the letter over and over in my head and then finally in my notebook before transcribing it in a letter.  I introduced myself, my life, my thoughts, my feelings on his work (which had been very influential to me during my formative years) and then I sent the letter into the abyss not knowing if it would ever reach him.  I had researched his lawyer, agent and towns which he frequently mentioned in his more autobiographical stories.  And then I came across a PO Box in Long Island and something about that address stopped me in my tracks.  I envisioned him surrounded by hydrangeas like the photo his wife, Jill Krementz, had taken.  I put the letter in the outbound mail and wished it well.  A little over a week to the day, I received his reply.

I've read his advice countless times and each time I take something different from it.  Sometimes I agree, sometimes I don't.  But mostly I just add it to the encyclopedia of my life and refer to it whenever a certain kind of advice is needed.  And then I continue to make the decision myself.

Two funerals and a birthday

Poppy Carl & Grandma Jeanne in the Bronx

   My grandmothers were born 2 weeks apart in August 1919 and died 2 days apart in Januray 2015. They were 95. It's hard to summarize two lifetimes well lived in a space reserved for pithy commentary. But I will mention my Grandma Brondie's elegance, pride, loyalty and headstrong nature.  And my Grandma Jeanne's sense of tradition, stamina, innocence and perseverance. I don't use those descriptors lightly. Each woman encapsulated those words in my mind. And I can recall countless examples of those traits peppered throughout my memory. My Grandma Brondie writing strongly-worded letters to newspaper editors espousing the virtues of her liberal beliefs. My Grandma Jeanne accompanying us on a trip to Israel so she could plant a tree in honor of our Bat Mitzvahs. My Grandma Brondie's 66 year marriage to her beloved David who on his 90th birthday before blowing out the candles on his cake said 'I don't need to make a wish, everyday I wake up next to you is the best day of my life.' Or my Grandma Jeanne patiently teaching me her famous chicken soup recipe; I don't think I'll ever taste a broth rich with that much love again. 

Beautiful Grandma Brondie

I am choosing to take these memories and many others and carry them with me. I want to celebrate these women and their generation as I raise our family's next. 

Three days following the deaths, we celebrated my mom's 64th birthday. It was a bittersweet day for my mom having said goodbye to her own mom days earlier. But as the cold arms of winter embraced NJ our house actually felt a little warmer listening to my mom sing as Everest chatted beautiful babbles to her. My mom is now the Grandma. And on this birthday and forever more she gives to him the best of the grandmas before her. 

Young Grandma Brondie (and Grandpa Dave)



Grandma Jeanne and Poppy Carl at Mom & Dad's wedding, 1978

The whole family, Autumn 2002

The best known secret

Since moving to California a little over 2 years ago we've been chipping away at the check off list. Napa - check, Ojai - check, Big Sur - check... the list goes on... but now we have finally checked off another big one - Palm Springs.  Check.  And based on the recommendation of several of our most 'in-the-know' friends we found ourselves at The Parker Palm Springs indulging in the Glutton and Spa packages. Who knew one of the best deals in existence was waiting to be had in Palm Springs?  For each night you stay at The Parker you are entitled to either $250 in food (Glutton) or $250 in spa each day.  These packages are not to be missed.

While the Glutton package, which entitles you to $250 food credit anywhere in the hotel (excluding alcohol), is easy to burn through with hotel prices it got us through most of a fabulous lunch at the garden-side Norma's, a decadent dinner at the funky and trendy Mister Parker's and a delicious breakfast back at Norma's (yes, please to the James Beard winning potato pancakes with cranberry apple sauce and sweet carrot payasam).  The spa package was just as decadent and allowed us access to the adult wonderland that is the spa's grotto.  Kicking back in the Turkish style indoor/outdoor grotto with pool, hot tubs, meditation rooms and sauna was exactly what we needed to start off this holiday getaway.

Wandering the extensive grounds of the hotel property was like getting lost among a transcendent garden maze.  Around every corner we found private hammocks, fire-pits and fountains.  Strolling the grounds after dinner, the evening sky was completely unobstructed and free of light-pollution.  The hotel was surprisingly kid (and dog) friendly but would be perfect for a girls weekend or couples getaway.  The food and spa packages were almost too good to be true but I'm glad this secret deal came so recommended!

The Parker Palm Springs
theparkerpalmsprings.com

Paradise found

Flying into the sea of humanity that is Las Vegas International Airport one would never expect to find paradise just a few hours away.  But after driving for what felt like a small eternity deep into the arid Utah desert that's exactly what we found.  A tranquil mirage in the middle of nothingness.  And in honor of my father's 65th birthday, we were among those lucky enough to come inside the gates of Amangiri. 

The first thing one might notice, or actually not notice, is how the poured concrete and glass structure blends seamlessly into the desert landscape.  The massive building fades to the background when one looks around at the staggering nature. The epic desert, rock mesas and big skies become your habitat.

One of the most humbling and beautiful features of Amangiri is the pool custom built around a mansion-size boulder.  Wading around the massive rock, the warm mineral waters engulf you and all at once you feel very tiny yet very significant.

There were so many moments of peace and awe while we were inside Amangiri's walls.  There was the Dead Sea water sensory deprivation cave in which Adam and I floated  - quite possible the closest I'll feel to drifting in orbit.  The evening strolls back to our rooms - the pitch blackness punctuated by the bright Milky Way halo coupled with the sound of ultra-silence were deafeningly beautiful.   But mostly I'll remember the leisurely meals shared around a warm table next to a hearth fireplace - my family celebrating my Dad's momentous birthday as we all took turns holding the newest member of our family (Everest being only 4 months old at the time).  Seeing my Dad's beaming face as Everest's wide eyes reflected it warmed my heart.  I'll always save a special place for Amangiri.  And hopefully I'll be lucky enough to return.  

Amangiri

1 Kayenta Road
Canyon Point, Utah

How to sum up this moment

How to sum up one of the biggest years of my life thus far...

Aside from finally settling into West Coast living, we purchased and renovated our first home, I completed culinary school and had a baby.  One of those things alone would made it a big year but having our healthy and beautiful son solidified my position as the most blessed person alive. 

On becoming a mother...in many ways it has profoundly changed me but in others I feel exactly the same.  When we first brought Everest home we were in survival mode, as many new parents can attest.  We lived moment to moment, riding the highs and the lows and generally trying to find a sane equilibrium.  But as the dust settled I think one of the biggest gifts Everest has given me is my new ability to pause from my overly-planned and hyper-organized life and just live.  I have totally and completely embraced my new 'one-day-at-a-time' mantra and have managed to hold on to that even now that we're out of survival mode.  Every day is an adventure and each moment demands that you be totally present, especially when you're raising a person.  Having recently seen Eckhart Tolle speak, my view about the power of each moment has solidified.

And while Everest has given me so many gifts I believe that some of the best things I can give him in return are to remain my own individual person even as I fully become "Everest's mom" and to prioritize my marriage.  Our marriage is the most important relationship in my life; I know that if it's in a healthy and happy place I'm giving Everest the gift of a strong, solid, positive foundation on which he will base much of his future views.

I'll close with an Eckhart Tolle quote that I feel apropos to the past year of my life:
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”

It's been a year...

It's been just about a year.  A big, long, life-changing, insane, wonderful year.  And it's not that I haven't felt inspired or compelled to sit down and write a post to my blog, it's that I feel like I haven't had a minute to do so in the last 10+ months.  I'm obviously exaggerating because I'm sure I could have found a moment to write a post, but I think I've been too busy living my life to sit down and reflect on it.  But today I decided that I missed good-ole' AMORtotheWorld and gosh darnit, I'm gonna make the time.  The posts might not be as polished, they might not be as long, but I'm going to try to reflect on the life I live and the things I've loved doing and seeing and going and eating.  And maybe I'll share it with a few friends too.   More to come...

Building my encyclopedia of tastes

The deeper I get into the culinary program at SF Cooking School the more I realize that I am, and always have been, curating a collection of food experiences.  Or as guest instructor, Chef Brandon Jew put it, we are creating an encyclopedia of tastes.  With each new bite I am enriching and refining my collection.  School has solidified food as art to me.  And what an artform it is!  There will never be a time when I can pack it up and say I've tasted everything that food has to offer and that makes this endeavor even more beautiful and exciting. 

Recently we were fortunate to procure a coveted seat at Lazy Bear, a San Francisco underground supper-club which takes place several nights a month at a warehouse/art studio. Forty diners are invited to sit along two communal tables and feast on a 10+ course meal created by Chef David Barzelay and his band of intrepid staff and volunteers (many of the kitchen and wait staff are stagiaire).  

When we arrived at the abandoned-looking building on a dusty industrial street a sign reading "Institute of Possibilities" greeted us.  We weren't quite sure what we were walking into, but like Beauty entering the Beast's castle, it was surprisingly warm once inside.  Once we were seated next to our new friends, the wine and conversation began flowing and mini masterpieces streamed forth from the kitchen.  As each dish arrived I was continually awed by the subtle use of unique ingredients.  The amuse bouche - an airy sabayon infused with bacon, maple syrup and cayenne.  The squab with grits, burnt cabbages, persimmon butter and chanterelles was a sweet autumnal plate.  Even the homemade brioche and butter were special.  Each dish was a highlight, each flavor a revelation and each bite was a welcome addition to my ever-growing encyclopedia of tastes.