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The infinitely patient big brother

I had been hesitant to put into words how incredible Everest has been as a big brother for fear that it wasn’t real. And almost 4 months into being a big brother it’s safe to say that this isn’t long enough to be permanent and I’m sure we’ll hit a few bumps in the sibling dynamic. But the thing is...we haven’t, not even for a millisecond. It’s almost as if Everest before Eden wasn’t actually the complete Everest. He (like Adam and I) were waiting for our Eden. And until she arrived he and our family weren’t really complete. We weren’t who we are. And now we are. 

I wasn’t overly nervous about Everest coping with becoming a big brother but I was aware it could be an issue. So much so that Adam and I took a “welcoming sibling” class at the local parenting resource center. We did a little prep, we thought through the scenarios, we set ourselves up for Everest to get attention and still be the focus early on. But then Eden was born and all of that melted away. From the second he met his little sister Everest has been overcome with patience, joy, and love. It’s hard to truly capture the way he is around her other than to say that he loves her so completely and it’s filling him with so much satisfaction it’s...awe-inspiring. 

When she cries, he wants to comfort her himself and not hand her off or get out of the way. He says things like “let me try to calm her” and after an extended time trying to quell her infant cries he finally says “I know what you need, you need a mommy hug” and then gently passes her from his arms to mine the entire time assuring her that “a mommy hug will help, a mommy hug is what you need Eden” and then lingering in the after effect as her cries naturally turn to coos and he feels that he contributed to her safety and comfort. 

The maturity that’s happened in rapid speed is surprising to a caregiver. On the occasion that I’m preparing Everest’s meal and Eden is restless he’s said to me “you know you can help Eden, I can wait for my dinner if she needs you.”  He’s given up precious playtime for me to nurse or change or comfort Eden and he hasn’t seemed to mind. 

He asked each night “when will Eden move into our [meaning his] room” and “can we get bunk beds when she’s a little older”. He reveled in his “new room” after we rearranged his furniture to make room for the crib. He couldn’t wait for the roommate. This kid was born to love his sibling. He was born to have a life-long buddy. And as an extremely social child, he takes huge comfort knowing that he’ll always have a friend for his entire life. 

Seeing Everest bound out of school and say “where’s Eden?” or “I want to hug Eden” or my personal favorite, “where’s my little cutie girl?”  Having Eden in all our lives has felt like a completion of so many dynamics but watching Everest brother his sister has truly been the most fulfilling part. 

Full Circle

Full Circle 
[a true story, 7/29/19]

Two Decembers ago when we were visiting Marc & Michelle for the holidays Michelle suggested that the ladies go to a glass blowing studio to make ornaments. I’ve always loved glass blowing so I was really excited. Each of us had a designated staff person to help design and assemble our ornament; when it came time to blow the molten glass into a sphere my person said 'blow a wish into the ornament.' so I did. I was 8 weeks pregnant and we hadn’t told anyone yet…you can imagine what I wished for.  

the next day we lost the pregnancy.

i took that ornament home and tucked it on a back shelf in my closet. 

a few months later while Everest and I were playing hide and seek he found it. we opened the box together and unpacked the blue and white orb. he marveled at it. he wanted to hold it. to hug it. to play with it. to hang it. but he was ever so gentle with it. I told him there was a wish inside and maybe one day we would hang it in his room. he didn’t ask too many questions, just went along with what I said. we packed it up and put it back on the shelf in my closet.

every few months he’d ask me if we could look at the ornament. sometimes he’d wiggle outside my closet with a little smirk on his face and ask if he could hold it. so we did. I'd take it down from the shelf and he’d sit on the carpet and gently hold it like a baby.

finally this morning. 

Eden rocking in her baby seat in my bathroom and Everest sitting on the floor mat next to her. I’m in the shower. Everest asks if he can get the ornament to show Eden. 

“Eden, Eden, shhh, don’t cry, your big brother is here and I love you. 

Here is the ornament that mommy made that we can hang in our room.

[in a sing-song voice] shh shh, I love you Eden, I love my whole family”

“Everest, I can tell you what the wish in the ornament is now. do you want to know?”

“Yeah!!”

"I can tell you because it came true. [pause] I wished for this. for our family. for my Everest and my Eden.”

“and your Daddy and your Oliver.”

“Of course”

“[Everest holding the ornament a little closer and showing it to Eden] this is the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

do you want to know what my wish is?

my wish for Eden is that she is lucky like me.

[in a sing-song voice] shh shh, I love you Eden, I love my whole family”

“I love you Everest”

“I love you Mommy. I love you Eden.”

This might be...

...the happiest time of my life.

The moments shared with sweet Eden while witnessing my amazing Everest blossom into the big brother he was always meant to be and our family grow into what I've always wanted are times I truly want to bottle and carry with me always. I've been given a partner who has my back and gives me confidence to weather the ups and downs of a growing family. I've been given a 5-year-old who is as in love with his baby sister as I am. I've been given a newborn who I am in sync with...nursing, sleeping, anticipating her needs...(all of which is that much sweeter because I had an extremely challenging postpartum with my first). And while I know it won't always be heavenly (and likely will change tomorrow), all of this has given me the foundation and strength to face the challenging moments with calm.

Watching Everest with Eden has been nothing short of the purest form of love a mother could wish for.  I hope that when I'm 106 and nearing death's door these moments of Everest rushing to comfort baby Eden, or Everest beaming with pride as she wiggles in his arms, or Everest leaping into our room each morning to kiss and snuggle next to Eden will rush into my mind's eye and I'll experience this pure joy yet again.

There is a presence of mind reserved only for new mothers...when everything in the world melts into the background and one-time stresses fade into trivial matters. The slow pace and care-not for punctuality or perfection takes hold as you stare into your newborn's wide eyes and breathe in her sweet smell. It's in these precious times, these fleeting moments of something new and awe-inspiring yet timeless and comfortable, that you know pure happiness exists.  

There is only now...and now is my darling Everest and Eden...and my now is everything.

How do you get to the "end of the earth"?

After trekking quite a distance, we arrived at what might actually be the end of the earth. Like a mirage rising in the dessert, the Fogo Island Inn appears on the horizon like an otherworldly object - a modern sculpture, a shipwrecked ocean-liner, a fisherman's studio, or some strange combination of them all.

We entered the Inn two weary travelers unsure of what we had gotten ourselves into but moments later were whisked into the glass-enclosed dining room overlooking the rugged landscape and were invited to feast on the first of our locally inspired tasting menu meals. As we settled in and began to relax, the attention to detail began to come into focus. Every item in the Inn, from the lush and vibrant wallpapers, to the inviting and comfortable seats, to the intricate and warm quilts had been hand-made by artisans living and working on the island. A cottage industry gone full-tilt. As we learned more about the craftsmanship and community involvement bringing the Inn to life we kept hearing one name over and over again...Zita Cobb.

Zita is the brilliant mastermind and benevolent philanthropist who envisioned this utopic economic Shorefast Foundation]. It's commerce for a cause. Zita grew up on the isolated island, and like many young people in search of work, left the island for college before starting a career and accumulating a small fortune at a start-up tech company. After time on the mainland, the island was beckoning her home and she decided to return and set up a college scholarship fund for the youth of Fogo. Surprisingly, she was met with resistance from the community elders, "you're sending our children away, we need a reason for them to stay." And in that feedback, the idea for Fogo Island Inn was born. A reason to stay...a reason for people to come...a reason for their long defunct fishing community to have purpose again.
engine. Now you might be asking yourself, aren't we just talking about a fancy hotel? On some level, yes - this is a jaw-droppingly beautiful hotel set within a staggeringly beautiful natural landscape. But the Fogo Island Inn is so much more than that. The Inn is a instrument owned and operated by the people in order to power their community [

While the food and wallpaper and attention to details of the Inn are staggering, they all came from theend of the earth a little closer to the world without diminishing the thing that sets its apart, the people and the place.
people of the island. The Inn itself has become the island's main industry. All the staff, from the friendly person who picks you up at the ferry, to the concierge at the front desk, to the hiking guides - they are all locals, residents, neighbors, community. And by being at the Inn, if only for a few days, you become a part of the ecosystem as well. You feel like you're being welcomed into each islanders' home and being wrapped inside their arms. Now generations of islanders have a reason for their college-educated kids to come home. There are opportunities to meet with world renowned chefs, titans of business, artists clamoring for a residency in one of the 4 studios, even celebrities have been known to spend time at the Inn - all of these dignitaries and luminaries are flocking to Fogo's doorstep. And in creating the Fogo Island Inn and the accompanying foundation to incubate the economy of the community Zita has brought the

After spending time on Fogo you might find yourself asking yourself....does the end of the earth really exist?  Is it accessible by three flights, a two hour drive, and a ferry crossing choppy North Atlantic waters (alternatively chartering a private plane!)? Is it what the Flat Earth Society (yes, a real thing) considers to be one of the four corners of the earth? Is it a stones throw below the Arctic Circle where generations of people sustained themselves by living off the land and sea. Or perhaps a better question is where does the earth begin and can it be found at the Fogo Island Inn?

Fogo Island Inn