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The infinitely patient big brother

I had been hesitant to put into words how incredible Everest has been as a big brother for fear that it wasn’t real. And almost 4 months into being a big brother it’s safe to say that this isn’t long enough to be permanent and I’m sure we’ll hit a few bumps in the sibling dynamic. But the thing is...we haven’t, not even for a millisecond. It’s almost as if Everest before Eden wasn’t actually the complete Everest. He (like Adam and I) were waiting for our Eden. And until she arrived he and our family weren’t really complete. We weren’t who we are. And now we are. 

I wasn’t overly nervous about Everest coping with becoming a big brother but I was aware it could be an issue. So much so that Adam and I took a “welcoming sibling” class at the local parenting resource center. We did a little prep, we thought through the scenarios, we set ourselves up for Everest to get attention and still be the focus early on. But then Eden was born and all of that melted away. From the second he met his little sister Everest has been overcome with patience, joy, and love. It’s hard to truly capture the way he is around her other than to say that he loves her so completely and it’s filling him with so much satisfaction it’s...awe-inspiring. 

When she cries, he wants to comfort her himself and not hand her off or get out of the way. He says things like “let me try to calm her” and after an extended time trying to quell her infant cries he finally says “I know what you need, you need a mommy hug” and then gently passes her from his arms to mine the entire time assuring her that “a mommy hug will help, a mommy hug is what you need Eden” and then lingering in the after effect as her cries naturally turn to coos and he feels that he contributed to her safety and comfort. 

The maturity that’s happened in rapid speed is surprising to a caregiver. On the occasion that I’m preparing Everest’s meal and Eden is restless he’s said to me “you know you can help Eden, I can wait for my dinner if she needs you.”  He’s given up precious playtime for me to nurse or change or comfort Eden and he hasn’t seemed to mind. 

He asked each night “when will Eden move into our [meaning his] room” and “can we get bunk beds when she’s a little older”. He reveled in his “new room” after we rearranged his furniture to make room for the crib. He couldn’t wait for the roommate. This kid was born to love his sibling. He was born to have a life-long buddy. And as an extremely social child, he takes huge comfort knowing that he’ll always have a friend for his entire life. 

Seeing Everest bound out of school and say “where’s Eden?” or “I want to hug Eden” or my personal favorite, “where’s my little cutie girl?”  Having Eden in all our lives has felt like a completion of so many dynamics but watching Everest brother his sister has truly been the most fulfilling part. 

Full Circle

Full Circle 
[a true story, 7/29/19]

Two Decembers ago when we were visiting Marc & Michelle for the holidays Michelle suggested that the ladies go to a glass blowing studio to make ornaments. I’ve always loved glass blowing so I was really excited. Each of us had a designated staff person to help design and assemble our ornament; when it came time to blow the molten glass into a sphere my person said 'blow a wish into the ornament.' so I did. I was 8 weeks pregnant and we hadn’t told anyone yet…you can imagine what I wished for.  

the next day we lost the pregnancy.

i took that ornament home and tucked it on a back shelf in my closet. 

a few months later while Everest and I were playing hide and seek he found it. we opened the box together and unpacked the blue and white orb. he marveled at it. he wanted to hold it. to hug it. to play with it. to hang it. but he was ever so gentle with it. I told him there was a wish inside and maybe one day we would hang it in his room. he didn’t ask too many questions, just went along with what I said. we packed it up and put it back on the shelf in my closet.

every few months he’d ask me if we could look at the ornament. sometimes he’d wiggle outside my closet with a little smirk on his face and ask if he could hold it. so we did. I'd take it down from the shelf and he’d sit on the carpet and gently hold it like a baby.

finally this morning. 

Eden rocking in her baby seat in my bathroom and Everest sitting on the floor mat next to her. I’m in the shower. Everest asks if he can get the ornament to show Eden. 

“Eden, Eden, shhh, don’t cry, your big brother is here and I love you. 

Here is the ornament that mommy made that we can hang in our room.

[in a sing-song voice] shh shh, I love you Eden, I love my whole family”

“Everest, I can tell you what the wish in the ornament is now. do you want to know?”

“Yeah!!”

"I can tell you because it came true. [pause] I wished for this. for our family. for my Everest and my Eden.”

“and your Daddy and your Oliver.”

“Of course”

“[Everest holding the ornament a little closer and showing it to Eden] this is the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

do you want to know what my wish is?

my wish for Eden is that she is lucky like me.

[in a sing-song voice] shh shh, I love you Eden, I love my whole family”

“I love you Everest”

“I love you Mommy. I love you Eden.”

This might be...

...the happiest time of my life.

The moments shared with sweet Eden while witnessing my amazing Everest blossom into the big brother he was always meant to be and our family grow into what I've always wanted are times I truly want to bottle and carry with me always. I've been given a partner who has my back and gives me confidence to weather the ups and downs of a growing family. I've been given a 5-year-old who is as in love with his baby sister as I am. I've been given a newborn who I am in sync with...nursing, sleeping, anticipating her needs...(all of which is that much sweeter because I had an extremely challenging postpartum with my first). And while I know it won't always be heavenly (and likely will change tomorrow), all of this has given me the foundation and strength to face the challenging moments with calm.

Watching Everest with Eden has been nothing short of the purest form of love a mother could wish for.  I hope that when I'm 106 and nearing death's door these moments of Everest rushing to comfort baby Eden, or Everest beaming with pride as she wiggles in his arms, or Everest leaping into our room each morning to kiss and snuggle next to Eden will rush into my mind's eye and I'll experience this pure joy yet again.

There is a presence of mind reserved only for new mothers...when everything in the world melts into the background and one-time stresses fade into trivial matters. The slow pace and care-not for punctuality or perfection takes hold as you stare into your newborn's wide eyes and breathe in her sweet smell. It's in these precious times, these fleeting moments of something new and awe-inspiring yet timeless and comfortable, that you know pure happiness exists.  

There is only now...and now is my darling Everest and Eden...and my now is everything.

How do you get to the "end of the earth"?

After trekking quite a distance, we arrived at what might actually be the end of the earth. Like a mirage rising in the dessert, the Fogo Island Inn appears on the horizon like an otherworldly object - a modern sculpture, a shipwrecked ocean-liner, a fisherman's studio, or some strange combination of them all.

We entered the Inn two weary travelers unsure of what we had gotten ourselves into but moments later were whisked into the glass-enclosed dining room overlooking the rugged landscape and were invited to feast on the first of our locally inspired tasting menu meals. As we settled in and began to relax, the attention to detail began to come into focus. Every item in the Inn, from the lush and vibrant wallpapers, to the inviting and comfortable seats, to the intricate and warm quilts had been hand-made by artisans living and working on the island. A cottage industry gone full-tilt. As we learned more about the craftsmanship and community involvement bringing the Inn to life we kept hearing one name over and over again...Zita Cobb.

Zita is the brilliant mastermind and benevolent philanthropist who envisioned this utopic economic Shorefast Foundation]. It's commerce for a cause. Zita grew up on the isolated island, and like many young people in search of work, left the island for college before starting a career and accumulating a small fortune at a start-up tech company. After time on the mainland, the island was beckoning her home and she decided to return and set up a college scholarship fund for the youth of Fogo. Surprisingly, she was met with resistance from the community elders, "you're sending our children away, we need a reason for them to stay." And in that feedback, the idea for Fogo Island Inn was born. A reason to stay...a reason for people to come...a reason for their long defunct fishing community to have purpose again.
engine. Now you might be asking yourself, aren't we just talking about a fancy hotel? On some level, yes - this is a jaw-droppingly beautiful hotel set within a staggeringly beautiful natural landscape. But the Fogo Island Inn is so much more than that. The Inn is a instrument owned and operated by the people in order to power their community [

While the food and wallpaper and attention to details of the Inn are staggering, they all came from theend of the earth a little closer to the world without diminishing the thing that sets its apart, the people and the place.
people of the island. The Inn itself has become the island's main industry. All the staff, from the friendly person who picks you up at the ferry, to the concierge at the front desk, to the hiking guides - they are all locals, residents, neighbors, community. And by being at the Inn, if only for a few days, you become a part of the ecosystem as well. You feel like you're being welcomed into each islanders' home and being wrapped inside their arms. Now generations of islanders have a reason for their college-educated kids to come home. There are opportunities to meet with world renowned chefs, titans of business, artists clamoring for a residency in one of the 4 studios, even celebrities have been known to spend time at the Inn - all of these dignitaries and luminaries are flocking to Fogo's doorstep. And in creating the Fogo Island Inn and the accompanying foundation to incubate the economy of the community Zita has brought the

After spending time on Fogo you might find yourself asking yourself....does the end of the earth really exist?  Is it accessible by three flights, a two hour drive, and a ferry crossing choppy North Atlantic waters (alternatively chartering a private plane!)? Is it what the Flat Earth Society (yes, a real thing) considers to be one of the four corners of the earth? Is it a stones throw below the Arctic Circle where generations of people sustained themselves by living off the land and sea. Or perhaps a better question is where does the earth begin and can it be found at the Fogo Island Inn?

Fogo Island Inn

A taste of China

Exploring the Bund

Even long after a trip to China has past, the flavor stays with you, setting your taste buds ablaze with spice and building a lasting impression. I'm talking not only about the Chinese cuisine from our recent trip, but about the experience as a whole traveling with our close friends who now call Shanghai home.

I'll admit it...China wasn't high on my bucket list. I knew I'd eventually make it there but figured it'd be part of a larger Asian exploration. But when you're best friends moves 7000 miles away, you bump China to the top of your list.

Slurp!

Maybe it was my lower than normal expectations about China (my expectation level before our trip to Japan almost reached Mt. Fuji!), but from start to finish, I found China to be strange and fun and far exceeding my hopes when I boarded the plane. Being greeted at the airport by a familiar face helped the transition immensely but once we arrived at Annie & Jay's apartment nestled on a tree lined street in the heart of the French Concession neighborhood I was ready to do it all! And did we ever! We packed as much as we could into the few days we had in Shanghai, tasting street food (yes please, egg pancakes with hoisin sauce) and dim sum (Din Tai Fung -- twice!), sight seeing (the Bund by day) and night clubs (La Baron by night), shopping the latest Chinese designers (Missy Skins among others) and even visiting a few of China's famous counterfeit markets -- twice!

The Great Wall of China! Yay!

Before we knew it we were off to Beijing to see the history and chaos. A day exploring the 798 Arts District followed by a day strolling the awe-inspiring Forbidden City and renowned Tiananmen Square followed by one of my favorite days of all - hiking The Great Wall of China. We entered the landmark at the Mutianyu Gate and were immediately able to enjoy the splendor and grandeur that is this engineering feat, nestled within some of the most beautiful and treacherous terrain I've seen. We walked all day, and then took toboggans down the mountainside to meet our guide before heading back to Beijing for some of the world-famed Peking Duck (Sijiminfu)! All and all, our day spent on The Great Wall of China felt like a (hopefully not) once in a lifetime experience.

Next, we were off to Bali...what needs to be said besides, it was BALI!

When in Beijing...

And then we were back in Shanghai. With tearful goodbyes and long embraces we said goodbye to our friends and hosts and as quickly (12 hours) as we had arrived...we were gone. Back to the embrace of our lovable two year old, who's first words when we arrived home were, 'are there presents!?!,' which of course there were in the form of trinkets and toys, clothes and instruments...but mostly the present I brought home was the knowledge that China is now a place I loved visiting and plan to return to again...hopefully to see our friends and hopefully with Everest in tow. Because once you get a taste for China, you'll definitely want another.

Yea, Thank you and I love you.

Highlight of the Week:  Yea, Thank you and I love you.

This past week was full of highlights.  I was finally feeling back to myself after a nasty flu bug which meant I could resume working out, getting out and being out.  The weather has been spectacular and I had plans to see a good friend every day this past week.  On top of that we went to see the truly epic Kamasi Washington and were able to soak in some transcendent jazz.   

By any measure, any of the past days could be considered a highlight but the real highlight came in the form of a realization.  Everest is growing in leaps and bounds and is now 2 weeks shy of his 2nd birthday.  He continues to be a happy, funny, silly and sweet kid.  Don't get me wrong, there are moments of exasperating frustration but I feel that's par for the course when raising a toddler.  The highlight of my last week came the day I realized that the 3 most commonly used phrases that come out of Everest's mouth are "Yea," "Thank you," and "I love you."  Taken on their own those phrases are filled with positivity, gratitude and joy but the fact that they seem to be the most prevalent things my 23 month old says, I feel blessed and lucky that I get to be his mom.  

Every morning begins with a rundown of all the fun things Everest has on his busy schedule and in response to "are you excited to do *blank*?" his response is inevitably a joyous "Yea!"

Later we found ourselves at the park with a friend and she was handing out bites of granola bar to Everest and her son.  With each mouthful Everest grabbed he naturally chirped "Thank you!" without being prompted or directed by me.  It made me so proud and happy that gratitude has started early for him.  

And finally, Adam and I say "I love you" a lot.  To each other, to our dog, to our friends and family, and especially to Everest...and recently he's started saying it back.  It began as a slurred blur of the whole phrase "ioveou" and it's slowly evolved into the crystal clear phrase that he warmly gives back to us throughout the day.  Hearing him say "I love you" in such an intentional, natural, and generous tone moves my heart in a way that's hard to put in words.

I guess it's been a highlight kind of week.

Highlight of the week

I am officially unofficially introducing a new series on AmortotheWorld - bom pa bom - "Highlight of the Week". It's a self-imposed-project I'm self imposing to  jump start blogging again. I'm a busy person considering I don't officially do anything and I love my life so figured blogging weekly should be something I can fit into my schedule. So without further ado...stay tuned for AmortotheWorld's Highlight of the Week (HOTW)!

A pause amidst a whirlwind

Having a child is like having your life sped up.  Suddenly everything I've always done at a reasonable pace has been pushed into hyper-speed.  Perhaps it's the weight of caring not only for your own well being but the entire well being of another human being; everything is double-time.  Perhaps it's the fact that you're trying to hold on so tight to more than you can physically grasp that makes you feel hurried, rushed, excitable, and generally busy.  You love that little monster with all your heart, but at times it's challenging.  It's amidst this chaotic new normal that we come to appreciate it's polar opposite.  Those rare moments of quiet; the serine times of non-decision, the gift of "me" time.   This new found appreciation for nothingness is precisely why this summer's respite was that much sweeter.

Grandma, Grandpa and Aunt Emily (horrah! huzzah! bravo!) took over the parenting duty and allowed Adam and I to experience some childless luxury.  Life didn't magically become like it was before having a child, it actually was better.  Before having children, I remember moments of boredom, restlessness, feeling lost...but now that the "me" times are few and far between they are weighted with purpose when they do occur.  Every moment of nothingness felt like a warm bath washing over me...it helped that often times the French Mediterranean was actually washing over me.

We began our vacation on the tail end of Adam's "business" trip to Cannes.  I put "business" in quotes because while there was a fair amount of networking and Adam was rushing around like a madman at times, overall it's a pretty spectacular place for an industry to host it's annual "conference" -- and Adam won 4 Cannes Lion Awards to boot!  We even had time to sneak over the border to Italy for a leisurely lunch and swim.

As soon as the festival was over, we both were officially on vacation!  First stop, Theoule sur Mer, a picturesque coastal town where we immediately proceeded to sit by a pool that overlooked the Mediterranean, drink wine, eat little fried sardines with dipping sauce and pretty much nothing else.  I read a book.  I'll say it again, I read a book!  Something I love but specifically haven't done since having a child.  We pretty much spent 48 hours doing nothing and it was glorious.  Another glass of rose?  Oui Garcon!

Fabulous dishes from La Scene, Paris

Next we were off to Saint-Paul de Vence.  Staggeringly beautiful medieval town perched atop a fortress plateau. This began the art portion of our trip.  We paid our respects at Chagall's grave, wandered Renoir's home and property, followed Picasso to his vacation retreat in Antibes and then dined at the famous Colombe D'Or - a Restaurant  & Inn renowned as much for it's classic French fare as it is for the art which adorn the walls - many of the greatest artist of the last century traded works in exchange for room and food.

After a quick trip to Eze where Adam zoomed around the narrow hillside roads in a borrowed Ferrari, we were on the bullet train headed towards Paris.  I remember those few hours on the train as the French countryside blurred by being especially peaceful considering the last few times I've been on a major mode of transportation I've been wrangling an active toddler.  I put my headphones on, blasted some music and let the scenery engulf me.

Ah, Paris.  What to say about that magical force.  We arrived during the height of a major heatwave but that didn't stop us from go, go, going.  To shops (we arrived just in time for their annual 50-70% sales!!!), more art at Picasso's primary residence and museum and of course, food!  Paris was the portion of our trip where we dined.  First at the Three Michelin Starred, 12th on Pelligrino's top 50 in the World - L'Arpege - Alain Passard's cornucopia of vegetable forward cuisine.  As if that wasn't enough, we followed one of Chef Passard's disciples to La Scene where we tasted exquisite works of
art made primarily with butter. 

Like all good things, our trip came to a close.  But unlike past vacations, the recharge I got from these precious days has stayed with me.  Like a flash-back, I find myself back in these French places now and again and I take pause to relive the trip...especially during those chaotic, whirlwind days chasing after my beloved Everest. 

An open letter

I have been sitting silent for too long. Partially because I couldn't even begin to know what to say and partially because the weight of it all felt insurmountable. But no more. We are so far beyond feeling heart broken for the far-away victims. We are at the point where good people need to act. Because as we all know the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.  Well, I can't just feel heart broken and do nothing any longer. 

In my lifetime I think the three most horrific things that have happened in our society are: September 11th, the Newtown CT shootings and finally the deep-rooted systemic racism and all its manifestations.  I'm not certain that we can overcome the latter unless we face it head-on. Unless good people everywhere take a look at themselves and ask what is my role in all this?  And what can my role be for a better future?

Yes there are major issues related to poverty and income inequality, tolerance and education, mental illness healthcare, gun control, the militarization of our society and racial profiling. But I don't think any one individual can take on those issues and succeed. As sad as I am to admit that, we as a society we have proven time and time again that we can't or won't make meaningful movements in those arenas in the near term.  What we need now are short term, one-step-at-a-time, attainable goals that we all can participate in. 

What can individuals do?  How can we be involved in a dialogue?  Who should we talk to and what actions should we take?  I'm open to it.  I want to be a part of the change. I want to be a drop of water in the ocean that ultimately shapes this rock.  I want my son to grow up in a world where people are just a soul inside a body trying to do their best and where society is just a larger version of a neighborhood.  Isn't that what we all want?  What can I do?  Please tell me because my heart can't break anymore for the far away victims. We're all victims now unless good people act.
 
Here are a few links I thought worthwhile:

Stand in solidarity with the family members of the church
http://action.groundswell-mvmt.org/petitions/send-prayers-to-familes-of-charleston-church-shooting
 
Emanuel AME Church in Charleston
http://www.emanuelamechurch.org/index.php
 
NAACP
http://www.naacp.org

MoveOn.org
http://front.moveon.org/

ACLU
https://www.aclu.org/ 

Contact your elected official
http://www.usa.gov/Agencies.shtml

Please let me know any other relative links.