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The infinitely patient big brother

I had been hesitant to put into words how incredible Everest has been as a big brother for fear that it wasn’t real. And almost 4 months into being a big brother it’s safe to say that this isn’t long enough to be permanent and I’m sure we’ll hit a few bumps in the sibling dynamic. But the thing is...we haven’t, not even for a millisecond. It’s almost as if Everest before Eden wasn’t actually the complete Everest. He (like Adam and I) were waiting for our Eden. And until she arrived he and our family weren’t really complete. We weren’t who we are. And now we are. 

I wasn’t overly nervous about Everest coping with becoming a big brother but I was aware it could be an issue. So much so that Adam and I took a “welcoming sibling” class at the local parenting resource center. We did a little prep, we thought through the scenarios, we set ourselves up for Everest to get attention and still be the focus early on. But then Eden was born and all of that melted away. From the second he met his little sister Everest has been overcome with patience, joy, and love. It’s hard to truly capture the way he is around her other than to say that he loves her so completely and it’s filling him with so much satisfaction it’s...awe-inspiring. 

When she cries, he wants to comfort her himself and not hand her off or get out of the way. He says things like “let me try to calm her” and after an extended time trying to quell her infant cries he finally says “I know what you need, you need a mommy hug” and then gently passes her from his arms to mine the entire time assuring her that “a mommy hug will help, a mommy hug is what you need Eden” and then lingering in the after effect as her cries naturally turn to coos and he feels that he contributed to her safety and comfort. 

The maturity that’s happened in rapid speed is surprising to a caregiver. On the occasion that I’m preparing Everest’s meal and Eden is restless he’s said to me “you know you can help Eden, I can wait for my dinner if she needs you.”  He’s given up precious playtime for me to nurse or change or comfort Eden and he hasn’t seemed to mind. 

He asked each night “when will Eden move into our [meaning his] room” and “can we get bunk beds when she’s a little older”. He reveled in his “new room” after we rearranged his furniture to make room for the crib. He couldn’t wait for the roommate. This kid was born to love his sibling. He was born to have a life-long buddy. And as an extremely social child, he takes huge comfort knowing that he’ll always have a friend for his entire life. 

Seeing Everest bound out of school and say “where’s Eden?” or “I want to hug Eden” or my personal favorite, “where’s my little cutie girl?”  Having Eden in all our lives has felt like a completion of so many dynamics but watching Everest brother his sister has truly been the most fulfilling part.